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Sunday, 14 September 2008
The Negative Me!! I dunno why i kept making sins during tiz Ramadhan...it tempt me of doing it again and again which i kept telling myself nort to do it!! I'm weak!! Wat's wrong wit me?Seriously! i've got to be strong..i'm trying to change a new Nurul Syazwani. A better one. Not the old-me who is going worse day by day! when am i gonna change? on 12 Sept 08,FRI..i dun rmbr tat i shooed him..Really! and tat day was our 5th mth sharing of love.but i 've already appologised to him. But i found tat i am stubborn,and i said is always right,selfish.......dat's me!!! i doesn't really care abt others.and i juz bothered to care for the circle of people around me.. i ignored the problems tat occured which happens minority in my life. i dun really bother abt ppl...i only bother of my own stuffs tat occurs in my daily life! on these days i dont even bother abt my dad..slm him also i dont really bother!!!i dunno why i hated him so much! hatred is wat i felt! i did not chat wit him either! I also hv tiz feelings towards some ppl!! and i think tats why i really ignored them!! Bcoz of HATRED, PAIN & JEALOUSY towards smbdy,i really ignored them! but these ppl who are really impt in my life!! and i really 'erase' them in my life! like they did nt really existed in my daily life! i hv pretended tat i nvr talk or seen them but in fact; in reality,i really contact with them..they do/dont notice it!! and the sad thing is,i don really see my mistakes!! Like there are walls around me tat blocked my view of own miztakes!! and im a type of person who reaaly dont see her own mistakes unless smbdy told her..and sad the thing is; sometimes i don appologized ppl SINCERELY!! it's hard fer me.... unless i really know tat i was wrong!!! if not i won't!! Jgn harap!! Now, ppl who how really bad i am..but they seem not to see it!! I dunno wat happened to me lately!! Like my mum always says; "HATI KAU MCM BATU". EHK!!! HELLO!!!! WAT'S WRONG WIT ME?!! STOP BEING LIKE TIZ!!!! I ,MYSELF HATE IT!!!!!!!! I wanna be a good *gerl,good daughter,good friend of urs! I WISHED I COULD!!! xXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXx punish me if you could!!! |
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