|
Living In My World Of
Nightmare
|
|
|
MeMyself&I
NuRuL SyAzWaNi8TeeN Republic Poly DIDM Likes The UnUsuaL ♥Attached To >> Hairi Azman 101010♥™ Lullaby
  Music Playlist at MixPod.com Ewur Screams
Exits
Me on OnSugar♥
Afiq♥
Atin♥
Atqa Ferdo♥
FyqaTekks♥
Ika Marissa Waty♥
Nana♥
Nichakitty♥
Shazwan♥
IndahhWoww♥
Arfizah
Syai
Zal
MJ12
Fadz
AhmadPiano
♥♥♥Hairi Ayie♥♥♥ History
March 2008
April 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
March 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
October 2009
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
Facebook
Wanie WaWa Create Your Badge Credits
©Glamouresque. |
Tuesday, 4 January 2011
 Hey, its gonna be wordy here. I just want to let out my feelings anyways. Yeah. So..here it goes.... Sometimes I feel that im insane. Am I ? I sometimes cant recall or remember what really happened in my life. Am I in depression? My grades aren’t good. I don’t know how to improve on my grades. I sometimes feel that im getting stupid each day. Is it because I forget some of the things in my life? Sometimes I feel that I have mental block. I cant really recall. Haiz. I really don’t know how to help myself. If I go for counseling, the problem with me is I wont really share with people about how I really feel. Its not that I don’t want to but I simply cant. And my mouth would shut up tight as if its lock and I cant speak but could only say something in my heart. Haiz. Sometimes I feel like killing myself but that’s really insane. I feel that im not really needed in my fam. I didn’t feel like im important and valuable to them. I don’t feel that they appreciate me. But instead, I feel that im such a burden to them. Sometimes, I wish that Im out this house and lead my own life eventhough its tough. But its better than im such a burden to them. I also thought of leading a life of my own, by getting married and everything will settled, I guess? Im gonna be 19 soon. To me, its okay to marry at this age. What I plan in my life is to finish my Diploma and if possible I could take up Degree after that and settle down before 25 years of age. Yeah, im gonna be 19 soon. But my life now it’s like being planned by my parents and I have no rights to choose what I want for my future. I thought, in school we were taught to plan our future and follow that dream. But why must they organized my life? Even they say I that I could not befriend with anyone. They could not accept the way my friends are. I know my limits. To me, anybody could be my friend and accept who they are. Maybe their appearance is not acceptable, but I don’t judge by their appearance. It’s like the saying, “Don’t judge the book by its cover.” I know they want the best for me. But at this such age, we mend to make mistakes and learnt from it. It’s okay to make mistakes and one day we knew what is best for us. It’s my future, I face it. Not them. They still cant understand me. Sometimes I really wonder why other parents could understand their children and their bonds were perfect. Not like me. My mum said that im a stranger at home and it really hurts me. If they really need me, why doesn’t anyone talk or treat me nicely? I sometimes could not understand why. They said that I didn’t talk much and spent time with them at home. But when I tried to talk and spent time, I get ditched every time. Its not once I tried, but many times. It’s really awful. I wished that im close with my bros my parents like others but they seems like don’t want to talk to me. I have no one at home. And im lonely. Life is misery. I need some air please. One day, I will leave them too, so please let me learn how to be independent. Please don’t keep telling me what to do and pressurize me as im for sure wont do. Im gonna be nineteen soon, I need my space. Betting up and come hard on teens end up to be rebellious. I feel that they are greedy and selfish. Seems like only them that deserve me and not others. Then what they want me to be? Anti-social? Please don’t think that im gonna be 19 and so? Im telling here doesnt meant that “im 19, So? Big F*** uh?” The purpose of telling this I want to let out my feelings and share; I need my space and till when they would want me depend on them. I don’t want to depend on them and see me as a burden. Children are ready whenever they are ready which sometimes you wouldn’t know that they are ready. But children knew. I have not talked to my parents since Saturday and I don’t wish to. They don’t know how I really feel. Sometimes I really wish that they would come across here and read this and know how I really feel. And when they read this, don’t get angry but at least try to understand me. Ive been suffering enough and not only them. I don’t show them. Last night, my mum talked to me. She said that i looked pale and she thought it's because of not fulfilling my nic. In fact, it's because ive not eaten well and have been crying these few days. Im really really sad. :’( L |
|
I Love You
♥Hairi Azman♥ |
|